:::all things bright and beautiful:::

How to Make the Most of the Excessively Happy Puppy Syndrome

Back coz of popular demand, the second in the series of the Human Invisibility Aspect -

This post is all about how you can escape the attention of all humans by plastering a wide (insane) smile on your face, asking irritating questions, and generally intruding on others’ personal space all in the name of curiosity.

If this fails to work (sometimes people are excessively nice and patient with you) try and relate all your memories and weave them into your conversation. For those of you who have seen American Pie – the “and this one time at the band camp…” should ring a bell. Remember to laugh a lot and giggle.

Oh and taking a leaf from real life, you could also try having a serious discussion with somebody and playing an imaginary piano in the middle of it. (I swear I saw a girl doing this!)

Wear lots of happy bright colors and generally behave like it’s the best day you’ve ever lived. If others try and dampen you with their woes, tell them about all the good things they should think about like fresh air and sunshine (if this doesn’t remind them how petty their problems are nothing will) and they’ll leave you to your disgustingly happy mood.

Mission Accomplished!

Aunty Social: A human creature who changes her (or his, but mostly her) appearance to ward off people and their attentions. She does this through a carefully structured plan and by paying attention to details.

Clothes: This is the crux of the strategy. Aunty Socials wear salwar kameezes that have a loose fit.

Color: Anything dowdy, dull or otherwise unappealing will do.

Make up: Now pay attention… Aunty Socials need to blend in so out with the lipstick and any other such things only “hussies” wear. Kajal is all right, if and only if it is applied lightly and ensures you do not look sick. Looking sick will definitely get you the attentions of lots of women whose maternal instincts are on an overdrive and the point of being Aunty Social is to shun any attention.

Personality: One of the merits of being Aunty Social is that you get to hide behind middle class morality and judge everybody as harshly as possible. Example: Women who wear lipsticks are “hussies”.

Language: As an Aunty Social you need to ensure you use conservative language. If the need arises do not hesitate to contact another woman…who is atleast partially Aunty Social and bitch about the situation and pass judgments.
A tip: What would add value to the invisibility aspect is speaking in long-winded sentences and expressing the simplest of thoughts in atleast a thousand words. One such example could be the title of this very post (How to be Aunty Social and other such insights into the human invisibility aspect); another is the length of this post itself.

Note: Having enjoyed the solitude, if and when you do decide to live in the world again and need human contact, you will need to revert to your own cheery self quite dramatically. The Aunty Social effect might take a while to wear off but it usually does.

Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely of the schizoid Aunty Social persona of me. It has no connection whatsoever to the other seemingly sane identities that live within me.

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