Everything I feel, everything I say or do are listed as symptoms of a disease. Then who is me?
Between preparing some questions for elected women and some others for kids getting ready to leave school and face the big bad world of work...I have been questioning myself and life some too (so what's new)
So what I’ve been learning lately from life is (apart from the fact that not having a corporate salary sucks) it truly is all about self worth. Your reality, the way you react to yourself and the world, and the way the world reacts to you. It’s all based on self worth.
How much do you think you're worth?
How do you know your self worth?
How do you go about increasing it?
(not false affirmation, validation, or celebrating oneself... I mean I really doubt that working for me)
What will you have to let go of to be happier and stronger as an individual with a healthy amount of self worth?
How do you decide what's a healthy amount of self worth and what is selfishness?
Answers to these seem a little long way off. My hope is I’m atleast asking the right questions.
Between preparing some questions for elected women and some others for kids getting ready to leave school and face the big bad world of work...I have been questioning myself and life some too (so what's new)
So what I’ve been learning lately from life is (apart from the fact that not having a corporate salary sucks) it truly is all about self worth. Your reality, the way you react to yourself and the world, and the way the world reacts to you. It’s all based on self worth.
How much do you think you're worth?
How do you know your self worth?
How do you go about increasing it?
(not false affirmation, validation, or celebrating oneself... I mean I really doubt that working for me)
What will you have to let go of to be happier and stronger as an individual with a healthy amount of self worth?
How do you decide what's a healthy amount of self worth and what is selfishness?
Answers to these seem a little long way off. My hope is I’m atleast asking the right questions.
Well reading this post makes me feel even younger (read kiddish) that I actually feel I am. Not sure if I can ask myself these questions and not feel bad about the answers that I get. But then I feel, why do I need to ask myself these questions? Yeah.. yeah.. ignorance is bliss. Maybe its the same volcano you've just dormanted which I might face later when these question become bigger. But I somehow also feel, that thinking about these, is like giving them respect. They you've made yourself conscious that they exist. They could have well not be borthered and left alone, who would have known, and who would have cared. Why we exist is a question that the creator needs to ask more than the victim. What we need to do should be defined more by our present and less by our past or our illusion of seeing in the future.
Maybe I've already started thinking about them...
Ohh and yes.. u can always buy a mac and distract yourself from thinking much!
Good post.
It helps to introspect and ask yourself such questions often, because it makes you strive to become a stronger and better person (irrespective of whether you find concrete answers or not). It still gives you a feel of wanting to be in charge of your life & striving to arise above negativity... (and negativity, as you know, comes quite naturally for most of us!).
smells like quarter life crises.
Anyway, to know how much you are worth,imagine how the world would react if you were to suddenly disappear. I tried that and found that I am utterly worthless...but then I imagined the reaction of others...and my imagination is quite colourful.
And about being happy, according to a recent newspaper report...people who are generous are more happier than those who are not...I stopped reading newspapers after that, gotta save money for donations.
I don't know if I agree or disagree. strange thing about such things is that it doesn't even matter what you think. Life is, just is. Each one of us survives it in a different way, we find meanings, devise even, just to be able to bear the long wait till death. I for one, if given the choice, will simply like to be free. Free from having to live for anyone, free to kill myself daily by running a gleeful marathon of imaginative acts in debauchery. I grow weary of the wait, weary of my attempts to find some explanation to why life? i no longer feel life should be sustained by feeding it bits and pieces off the the corpse of my soul. I simply want.
mcx
I think you're not an essence, but a process. Assessing what you are may be useful, but only so far as you use the info to make choices going forward. Given all that, though, I'm not sure I have good answers to what you're asking. I feel as though I've become more self-absorbed and more overly consumptive and way less concerned with others . . . But I think I have some idea how that happened, so maybe you can learn from my . . . reverse insights?
I'd say that, no matter how good your initial intentions, that you are a process always in reaction to worthwhile feedback. Try to do something because of the "shoulds" and the "whys" without attending to the "hows" first and you'll eventually get in way, way over your head. How does Sou get rewarded? What "turns Sou off"? What lifts your energy and what pulls it down? If you turn yourself off, cut off your own lights, and don't get rewarded, you'll stop doing whatever it is and withdraw into self to get back into a better place.
I think I did not always attend to my own motivations and ignored the impending feedback. Also, I think it's so idiosyncratic . . . You have to learn the process of yourself where it is . . . And of course, it changes.
Gods, I'm not making sense! Just know that asking how to give it, to me, asking about how to receive enough to give. If you find some big "givers" you've known to be obnoxious and egotistical phoneys, well . . . It may seem weird, but maybe they eventually learned that that's where they were effective. So, don't worry too much about overconfidence. Only the oblivious don't have their overconfidence corrected harshly and fast. Expanding ones own faith in oneself (based on positive feedback) tends to only expand ones ability to give. If you cross the thin (or blurry) line between magnanimity and arrogance sometimes, it's better to have erred into arrogance than to have moderated the magnanimity. Basically, don't worry about it.
We have our whole lives to moderate arroagance or exagerated self-importance. If you don't start finding what lights you up now, you don't get overconfident or comfortable enough to have the personal resources to do good or err.
I am one rambling SOB . . .
wow.. you guys have expressed some deep thoughts here.. really touched me..
@ s.joe - Why we exist is a question that the creator needs to ask more than the victim. :D what a way to look at this.. this which was/(is?) a constant question in my head.
@ jenny - It still gives you a feel of wanting to be in charge of your life & striving to arise above negativity... yes yes YES!!!!
@ sujoy - imagine how the world would react if you were to suddenly disappear. I tried that and found that I am utterly worthless... :) ..so you see why asking such questions (about self worth etc.) is an attempt to rise above the negativity?
@ govind - I grow weary of the wait, weary of my attempts to find some explanation to why life? i no longer feel life should be sustained by feeding it bits and pieces off the the corpse of my soul. what do i say.. your words are the deepest reflection of me and yet you are on another level.. your words have an edge now, that my feelings haven't yet earned.
@ fondfire - hey you! so nice to hear from u.. been quite a while! So many things to comment on.. 'reverse insights' :D loved that.
expanding faith in myself is exactly where i'm at right now. it's better to have erred into arrogance than to have moderated the magnanimity and this helped..and your rambling dear ff gave me the push to put my thoughts in words in reaction to all yours so as led zep says, ramble on.
Liked this post. I think these questions are important. (though at times i am envious of people who remain oblivious to seemingly heavy things and ease their way through life. Or is that just a facade?). And i think self worth is probably the most important ingredient to happiness. Isn't that what we all seek, in so many different ways.
And i liked fondfire's notion of each of us being a process in reaction to worthwhile (always?) feedback.
I have seen too much death recently and life from its prospective. Something has changed, I am not sure if the change will stay long but I guess that is the reason for the edge in my words. Death till a few months back had no place in my consciousness however it seems a dam has been opened and I know notice it all around me. I don't fear death so much as I recent its ease. its too easy to die, the act and the consequences too easily borne. I resent my absent tears, I resent the ease at which all of ones grief and gripe with life are wiped out with a single act. why do we have to spend years trying to make sense of it all if only to be silenced so suddenly and easily. its seems all so pointless, why is happiness not a state by default?
sorry rambling a lot, I have drifted away from too many things that are familiar and comfortable and its only the randomness of my words that i carry for comfort.
mcx
note: I may be dyslexic and/or have ADD. My latest excuse for my horrific spelling.
the sunday times (18 may) had an article on loving yourself and self worth. you might want to read it.
oye!!
do change my name in ur blog list to chitty cat!
Hmmm..s lil similar to my style to writing:) Nice one here..check my blog out sometimes :)