:::all things bright and beautiful:::


Happiness is overrated

Happiness is a nice state to be in but must all strive to be happy all the time!?

Why is it that we feel a person who is depressed all the time is 'sick' and not feel that about a person who is happy all the time? According to me anybody who is happy all the time is insane or is a yogi.

We are all so conditioned to think in black and white. We never stop to think that maybe the (negative) emotion is needed.

When we see a person who's down and blue our first instinct is to say 'Cheer up!'. When we are feeing down and blue our instinct is not to cheer up but to wallow in the bluesdom and feel comfortable in a hazy non-feeling sadness blanket.

I've have consciously changed my behavior. I usually end up asking a sad person 'Do you want to talk about it' 'Do you need a hug' 'Do you want to be alone?' rather than tell a person 'Oh its going to be alright' 'It's not such a big deal' 'Cheer up!'

What are the things you've said to people when they're down or what do you want people close to you to do when you're feeling blue? What are the crazy things that bring you comfort when you're blue?

8 Responses to “Happiness is overrated”

  1. # Blogger autogato

    Good post! Definitely true - we need to experience the negative emotions in order to appreciate the positive emotions. The important thing is balance and moderation, I think. Positive OR negative extreme emotion can be a cause for concern (bipolar disorder, anyone?).

    I like your approach to dealing with people when they are feeling down. Sometimes people want to hear that things will be okay. However, sometimes that seems like an insult. I think it's wise to check in with the person to find out what the person wants. That's a good plan!

    When I'm feeling down, it all depends on what is best. Sometimes I want o be left alone to rest or think or write. Sometimes, though, it's best that I be around people and be social (even when I don't want to, sometimes it can be best).  

  2. # Blogger mcx

    I have to ask you do mean yogi the bear right? Or it would be a wasted point : ) most of the sadhu kind of yogis I have meet are pretty grumpy and the only smiling ones usually have something to smile about (think pot… lots and lots of pot)

    As for the bear god I used to wish I could smack that smile of his face : ) ok so I was psychotic cartoon bear smacking child (disturbing yet enlightening) but I do agree with you point. I think a lot of us are drawn to comfort someone who is down because we enjoy the feeling that we can or have made a change in someone’s life. Albeit is that change always welcome or even necessary I think is questionable. But for the most part I personally wish to be alone when I am down or I become irritated I don’t find it soothing when someone tells me it’s going to be all right because it feels like an invasion in to a very private emotion. I think its like when a mother is breast feeding her child in public it’s the most natural thing but you don’t expect anyone to step up and acknowledge it or console her now that’s just weird and perverted…

    Ok don’t know where that example popped in to my head from but anyway there is also another interesting aspect here when most of us actually want someone to walk up to us and ask us how we are doing or even give us an embrace at that time we are not crying, we don’t even whimper we are usually plastering a smile and going about our lives wishing or even wondering why no one has asked you how you are doing till now. So don’t wqait for e person to be down to give them a hug or ask them how they are doing just randomly keep doing that anyway….

    luv
    mcx  

  3. # Blogger sou

    @ autogato - yeah what we need and what we want are never quite in sync :|

    @ mcx - LOL!! well.. since I haven't met any yogis (you have met yogis?!?!) my perception of them was of this eternally blissful souls.

    That's an excellent point to make!

    "most of us actually want someone to walk up to us and ask us how we are doing or even give us an embrace at that time we are not crying, we don’t even whimper we are usually plastering a smile and going about our lives wishing or even wondering why no one has asked you how you are doing till now."

    Absolutely!!  

  4. # Blogger autogato

    interesting how (at least here), when people are asking how you're doing, they usually don't want an honest answer.  

  5. # Blogger phreakv6

    i dont like lots of ppl asking me if am ok just because i have not shaved for sometime.. it might be ok for the attention seeking kind but not for me.
    i've found that depression gives me a greater touch of reality than happiness..
    my happiness is everyone's.
    my depression is mine and mine alone.  

  6. # Blogger Jenny

    ".......i've found that depression gives me a greater touch of reality than happiness...."

    I couldn't have agreed better.

    Been reading your posts Sou. Pretty interesting your posts perspectives rather) are...  

  7. # Blogger sou

    @ autogato - well.. there are polite "how are you doing"s that subsitute "goodmorning/ hello there" and then there are "how are you doing"s that ppl mean with atleast a bit of sincerity. I'm sure you get the second variety even there.. hmm.. maybe it does not carry the depth of the meaning as it should be coz of the overuse..

    @ phreak - awesome line.. pls expand it in a post.. I def wanna read/hear/know more about how sadness helps you connect better with reality. And that'll make it a nice pattern coz this post was actually inspired by autogato's post.

    @ jenny - hey! thanks for leaving a comment.. and a compliment :)  

  8. # Blogger fondfire

    There have been times when I craved a little depression, as strange as that might sound. When I felt like I'd lost the ability to feel deeply (which I've felt for brief periods) or when I couldn't connect to my conflicted emotions about something.

    There's a distinctly adictive quality about mania, though, and unmitigated pleasure. We're prone to be tempted into the idea that ever increasing pleausre would satisfy us or solve all our problems. We often tend to think that that's our true goals. Personally, I like what Buddha and Epicurus had to say about this (though they didn't exactly have compatible ideas about it), as they both acknowledge the need for ballance and a "middle way" when it comes to the pleasures and pains, joys and miseries of life. They could both see that a state of even, calm emotion would be more blissful, in the long-run, than either massive happiness (actively pleasurable feelings) or suffering (actively painful ones).

    I'd encourage you to read some of the ideas of both of those two!

    http://www.epicurus.info/
    http://www.accesstoinsight.org/  

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