:::all things bright and beautiful:::

What can be done...

The question is pouring in from everywhere... there is a collective
"ok.. now what" so, well.. here's what -

1. The blogs in themselves were the first step. All the women I'm sure will understand and agree why it is such a relief to just talk about it. For those to whom abuse on the streets is not such an immediate reality - It's great for us women, who have undergone trauma on the streets so often, to just express our emotions and share them with somebody who won't judge and criticize you instead of the perpetrators.

2. The blogs in themselves were the second step too. People who haven't undergone harassment on the streets appreciate women who are brave and hit back in what ever way they can. It is bloody scary for women to oppose the perpetrator because our previous experience has taught us that everybody (the entire society) seemingly sides with the perpetrator.. how can you be brave when you have a mental picture of your parents/friends/all the people who matter asking you "why didn't you just ignore it?" and "what will you do if he returns with a big gang the next time?"

This is why the blogs help... from now on.. (hopefully) each of us women when harassed can take courage from the fact that there is a sizable number of men and women who are supporting, helping, and encouraging you to be brave.

3. Read this where annie demarcates quite clearly what is harassment and what is not.. if nothing else it gives women a clear indication as to how much can and should be tolerated (this is ofcourse by no means a set-in-cement rule that you can live by.. it is just a good indicator)

How is this going to help? Well having gray areas in what can be termed harassment is not going to help us or the police/lawmakers to take strict action. If we take this list to the local police/lawyers and can understand in precise terms what the punishment meted out in each case is then it helps a LOT! If it doesn't help bring these perpetrators to justice, atleast it will scare them off when they harass you and you throw what exact punishment they can expect according to "so and so" police inspector/ hotshot lawyer.

This is just the start of this list... sensitisation programs in schools and colleges (for both boys and girls), trying to get police to start a harassment cell... these are big dreams.. but I hope I have conveyed that they are not impossible. They are quite achievable, rational, and practical. Will these eradicate the problem of harassment? Hell no! Will these help women feel braver when harassed and help the harassment reduce? You bet!

Some post scripts -

1. I'm so glad so many many many women have broken their silence and participated.

2. Thank you to all the men who have read the blogs/commented on them/ wrote posts for the blogathon.

3. A big apology to all the nice guys who read the blogs and were offended because most blogs used the words 'creeps', 'perpetrators', 'abusers' as interchangeable with the word 'men'. Please understand we use the word 'men' only because there are huge number of men who are the abusers/creeps/perpetrators. The posts were in no way meant to be a war against any sex. Still I'm am sorry if any of you were offended.

7 Responses to “What can be done...”

  1. # Blogger SaidBack

    I thought of something rather disturbing n sad.


    I don't know a single girl who has not, at some point of her life, been harassed this way.  

  2. # Blogger mcx


    Saw your comment on my site, let me just there is no need to apologies : ). What I did on Annie’s blog was intentional; I wanted to be a different voice, not negative or angry just different from what was being said by many others. I wanted to highlight certain things so that the blog was not reduced just to angry nods or a pitch forked rallies. I do agree that women have a lot to hate men for but there are things happening that few ever talk about. Men are changing or at least they are becoming more confident in embracing different roles. There are a whole lot to men that no one ever sees, from the macho male to the frilly mama’s boy within all these traditional stereo types exists a complex three dimensional emotional being. Women will find it difficult to cope up to this change if they do not stop believing that men are shallow and sexual predators that rarely if ever think above their waist, Give us a chance : ) we are not all that bad.

    Ok moving on your last line “Hope your faith in man and woman kind returns and grows.” I am not sure about this one, most people who know me think I am a nice guy, innocent and gullible so I am not sure if I lack faith in humanity I used to think that I trust everyone, well I have always been able to speak about almost anything about my life to practically anyone. I used to think that I have no secrets, over the years past a certain age I have consciously unloaded all my secrets, I thought this was a show of faith but now I realize it was merely strategy, I was getting rid of all the ammo that others could use to get to me. (It’s complicated what can I say I am weird) well the net result is I actually might not trust anyone. Huh who would have thunk it! But that’s besides the point what I meant to say is that it does not cost me much in terms of courage to say all of what I have said I am just built that way.

    Thanks for making the effort of leaving a comment : )


  3. # Blogger sou

    @ pepper

    :( yeah i could say the same

    @ mcx

    what's weird is that ur inner defense mechanisms seem to mirror mine..

    anyway.. what i was trying to say was, i hope you can begin to trust people again sans the elaborate defense..  

  4. # Blogger autogato

    You're right. They're not all stupid abusive crime perpetrating f'ers. But for the ones that are....  

  5. # Anonymous deruda

    I was wondering...what about the boys that are molested across the country by women - older maid servants, aunts, friend's sisters, etc? Are they supposed to pretend to enjoy it just because they are boys?

    I myself was molested as a kid, by quite a few women, starting with a governess type of maid servant... so when I see everyone ripping my kind apart just because we look different from women and have all kinds of connotations of power, domination, etc. attached to the single word that makes us - men - i feel like taking a cudgel and whacking the first man-hater woman i see...

    Do you realise that with all this hate-related dialogue - creep, abuser, etc. you are just building up a tremendous amount of negative energy? That it could be as destructive as what you are 'fighting' against?  

  6. # Blogger sou

    @ deruda - hello?!?! did u even read point #3??? i've even put the letters in bold "big apology"... so why r u ranting abt sth that i've already noticed is wrong and made a point to apologize and lessen some of the negative energy?

    Also, abusers are scum no matter what sex they are .. you don't need to be extra smart to realize that.. what you do have to try hard to understand is that women who have had a history of harassment and abuse certainly become wary of the "male" kind not by choice but because of being 'on guard' all the time not knowing how to differentiate between nice guys and creeps..

    Tell me sth.. if you din have a history of abuse by women would you still be as quick (and violent) to say "i feel like taking a cudgel and whacking the first man-hater woman i see..." ??  

  7. # Anonymous deruda

    read about SA in chennai today - apparently the number of abused boys higher than that of the girls... but who is talking???

    All around, it's men that are painted in demonic shades. Look around a bit, and you'll see equally monstrous women. I respect your opinion that all abusers are scum, but that doesn't reflect in the posts that one sees on the blog...

    And by the way I wasn't asking for ur apology or anything... all I am saying is that it would help all mankind if you people opened your eyes a little wider, and saw the whole thing in its total perspective, instead of the coal-tinted through-a black-prism gaze that you have now...and covering it in some shroud of whatever you people call yourselves. The point being - women aren't the only sufferers, men are too.

    Not a good idea to have the lil-sergeant-syndrome - everytime you see someone bigger than you, you put your right guard up and lead with your left...:-).  

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