:::all things bright and beautiful:::

the shittiest day in a long time. so glad it’s over.

I’ll try my best not to turn this into a crib session. I’m just trying to understand and make sense of a few things here.

  1. Why do people wish ill of others? Why do they envy and take actions to ensure the target is at a desirable level of unhappiness? I’m not talking about people who know me and wish their life was more like their perception of my life. I’m talking about people who are perfect strangers taking pains to pass the word around to ensure my spirit and good cheer is dulled if not killed. I mean… why should my existence bother them at all? I do not see how I impact their lives in anyway other than being in their vision for a few minutes in a day. I do not understand.
  2. Why should this hurt me? They are strangers after all… it is not someone close to me betraying me so why should it hurt? Why should perfect strangers’ skewed perceptions affect me so? Why? Their existence should not matter to me. Even if they are so desperately trying to impact my life it should be easy for me to shrug off the stupidity, right? So why then am I feeling so shitty?

So does this mean I’ll back down? Ha! I’m too pig headed for that. But do I have the emotional strength to show them the finger and live my life the way I always have? I don’t think so. So will I survive this crazy “rebelling, falling down, picking up the pieces and rebelling some more”? I’ll keep you posted.

19 Responses to “the shittiest day in a long time. so glad it’s over.”

  1. # Blogger plush

    hmm...ask them to buzz off sou...let me know if u want me to help u bash them up...seriously...i'd rather u ignored their existence...sometimes ignorance is bliss...trust me...  

  2. # Anonymous theanalogkid

    this is the equivalent of sledging in sport. learn not to pay attention might be what everyone wud say.

    i wud say dont stop at that but pay attention and put it in a corner of ur mind and dont show that u r undone visibly and prove them wrong when the time comes. make them eat their words. either prove them how shitty they are, or how superior you are.

    this is like hitting a six off the bowler or unleashing fiery of forehand smashes when its least expected. ;)  

  3. # Blogger sou

    @ plush - yeah I'm trying the ignore strategy but it's not easy.

    @ kid - i've never been good at sports :`(

    hmm.. i don't think i'm going to change anytime soon.. so i guess i might as well learn to give back as good as i get :|  

  4. # Anonymous jedi

    hmm. ignoring usually works. bullies like me usually go where we get 'bhav'. no bhav no bother.  

  5. # Anonymous Jenny

    C'mon archer!
    Where's your bow and arrow?
    Get back at em'. Quick ;)  

  6. # Anonymous jenny

    qoJokes apart, i totally understand. It hurts. Really does.  

  7. # Blogger Trauma Queen

    v interesting q's...i dont know the answers either..wish i did :(

    but i thnk the important thing is to stay 'pig-headed' as u call it...keeps u safe

    btw juice boy has gone to another office..the 'meet today gone tomorrow' curse has not left me

    sob :(  

  8. # Blogger devsan

    Kill! Kill!!  

  9. # Blogger mcx

    I am not sure if it would work for you but there is a time tested strategy of mine that basically involves playing the textbook fool to all those who wish to harm or invoke in you vice or anger. It irritates them when their well plotted follies fall upon idiotically deaf ears. it also preserves you from anger and self corruption. then all that remains beyond that point is to see who out lasts the other in sheer patience and persistence.  

  10. # Blogger autogato

    Those are some great questions, sou. I've thought about that frequently, especially considering the field I'm in.

    #1 - I don't know what happened to you, but hopefully it can settle and you can get peace with it soon. You're too cool of a person to have to deal with bullshit.

    I think that this stuff happens when people feel badly about themselves - then they choose to make themselves feel powerful by being ugly to others. It's this thought process of "I feel like shit, so I'm going to make you psychologically even shittier than me." It's not a very productive way of increasing one's personal power, because it's so transient - it will just go away. There's better ways to feel powerful and good about oneself - productive ones that are good for oneself and society. But I guess people who like to engage in the bashing want some easy way of feeling better. And "talking trash" is pretty easy - it doesn't take work or self-improvement. It's pretty unfortunate that these people have taken the "low road" and talked trash about you.

    Stay strong. Rise above it. It's hard not to let stuff like that bother you, I know. But remember you are better than the trash!  

  11. # Blogger sou

    @ jedi – but that would also mean letting others affect the way you live. I don’t wanna do that :(

    @ jenny – arrows all blunt. I’m trying out a pea shooter :|

    @ tq – hmm... ‘sou’...‘sow’... ‘pig-headed’.. hmmmmmm... :D

    @ mcx – omg! There you go again! I do that all the time. I know these people are fucking around and I let them. I continue being nice to them just to see to what extent they can justify their actions to themselves. In any case it keeps me away from anger and a whole lot of other negative emotions.

    @ autogato – “You're too cool of a person to have to deal with bullshit.” Wow.. thanks! Reading that made me feel a whole lot better 

    The shitty phase kinda continues but I’ve realized it’s just not worth thinking about beyond a point. So I’m just lying low taking each day as it comes and waiting for the sunshine to break through.

    And having an amazing group of people who are there for you (that’s you guys) reallllly helps!  

  12. # Blogger autogato

    I hope you are having better days! I am having some better days now. I think that means I need to get back to blogging soon. My brain has been on strike - it hasn't wanted to do much. But the creative juices are beginning to flow again. Soon I will blog, soon....

    I hope you are feeling better!  

  13. # Anonymous jenny

    Awwwwwwwwwwww... :)

    Anyway, what autogato has said makes a lot of sense.

    trash will always throw trash at you...

    and "you are better than the trash!"  

  14. # Anonymous jedi


  15. # Blogger autogato


  16. # Anonymous jenny

    Read this one... and thought of u :)


  17. # Blogger autogato

    mwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwa. I'm not dead, I promise!  

  18. # Blogger autogato

    i blogged! i'm back!  

  19. # Anonymous Subbu

    take a long vacation in the mountains. you'll transcend all these worldly matters, at least for a while. ladakh opens in June :)  

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